I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
