Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I accidentally burped into my bong.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You were trust falling into bushes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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