I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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