Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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