I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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