Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
