he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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