Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
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