Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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