I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
