At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
