mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
