I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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