I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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