I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
