The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
