you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
