bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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