this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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