Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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