he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
