Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
