the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
