I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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