I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
