my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize