Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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