BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
