Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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