seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Enjoy the penises
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
