So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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