Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
