Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
