sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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