did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
