from now on my penis is your penis
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
