Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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