Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
