the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
