he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
