This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
