Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
