oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
