Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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