Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
