your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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