remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
