You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
