I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
