he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
