Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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