you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
