That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
