I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
