thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Oh god it's open bar.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
