we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
