I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I want a musical about memes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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