Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
