I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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