I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
