i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
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I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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