My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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