Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
