It's like God shit irony all over that family
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
