I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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