You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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