Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
