Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
