Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
