I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
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My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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