I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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