Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Operation Purity has been aborted
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
